Access Granted

To my singles:

What does it take for a man or woman to be given permission to have intimate experiences with you? When I say the word “intimate” I’m not merely referring to sexual intimacy. I’m talking about private, personal, and close activities that are shared with the opposite sex. There was a time when singles of the opposite sex were less inclined to move in together before marriage, take overnight trips alone, and do certain other activities without accountability partners (in small groups). As an aside, the purpose of the accountability partner is to help prevent giving in to the temptation of sexual activities. As I pondered this topic, I started exploring the “keys” given from one single partner to the other that authorizes access to intimate corners of their life.

1) Agreement and establishment of being in an exclusive relationship.

2) Reaching a specified dating length [2 months, 3 months, etc.]

3) Being in love or saying “I love you.”

4) Fear of losing the other person.

5) Deciding that joint finances are better than separate finances, and would yield a better living arrangement or life experiences.

6) Engagement (giving/receiving a ring).

These are just a few reasons why relationships lead to various forms of intimacy in the dating stage. But there is a master key and that key is…MARRIAGE.

Marriage should be the key that opens the doors to close and personal interactions between men and women in most if not all areas of their lives. Yet, I continuously witness things singles do while dating that are premature and should only be permissible in a marital relationship. Some of these things include: Taking cruises (and sharing a room on the boat), moving in together, washing each other’s clothes, and allowing your partner’s kid(s) to call you mom or dad before marriage. While some may believe these are innocent activities, they have their place. I want to suggest to you that their place is not in the dating relationship. However, one of the greatest conflicts with this notion is that we live in a society that celebrates, glamorizes, and puts in the forefront their perception of love and relationships to such an extent that there are no clear lines of delineation between the activities of dating singles and married couples. As a result, these activities and so many others are encouraged for single couples and are no longer exclusive to married couples.

In spite of all of this, marriage is the master key that can unlock doors to areas that no one in our single status should have access to. The activities of married couples should be vastly different from the activities of dating singles. Dating is supposed to be a time when you’re taking notes and evaluating whether or not someone is fit for marriage. Not exploring areas that are irrelevant for making a destiny decision. Marriage is a sacred and intimate institution established by God. Let’s continue to do the best we can to honor it. I encourage singles not to operate like wives and husbands within their relationships until God has established them as one!

If you’re single, find agreement with this, and have given others access where they shouldn’t have access, I encourage you to reel things in and set up parameters/barriers for entry. If you’re married and this resonates with you, please encourage singles to do the same. Singles, please, close the doors and put away the keys until you meet the right man or woman and marry them. At that point, you can say “Access granted.”

Selah